I feel really stupid now.

Dude was legit like "give me your personal information (but not too much I guess so he didn't seem suspicious or whatever) or your account on [social media account] will be IP BANNED" like I have a tendency to shit my pants when something like this happens and I get really confused but still I feel so dumb because I was literally writing my personal fucking information down for this person and was about to send it... God have mercy on me. (I did not send anything to that person THANK GOD I realised something was off last second)

But yeah I still feel really dumb.

I haven't touched my notes in MONTHS, I opened them today again, didn't write anything new outside of a few corrections in what I already wrote down but I have SO MANY. NOTES.

I forgot just how much progress I already made on designing this world and the game I wanted to make too. I legit thought I'm gonna open these notes and just feel defeated about how slowly things are moving along but I forgot I actually was working really hard at the start of this year before my life went to shit again...

Today I also practiced Danish a lot (one of my completely abandoned hobbies in life was language learning) and I dunno, I just feel like I'm getting into the swing of things again. Watch my life fall apart again or some shit now that I started somewhat getting up tho :))))))) genuinely this just happens over and over again.

Whenever my life starts looking livable I KNOW something is going to make me regret being born again. But I will get up again. I'm so fucking stubborn no one can kill me.

Good for me I guess but please god why.

(forgot to mention I started uploading on my Youtube channel again, I'm very happy with just how many things I've been able to do lately and I need to write it down because no one is there to support me like that atm, but well your number one supporter should ALWAYS be yourself anyways...)

My relationship with art still remains somewhat strained though :( I really pushed myself too far for years honestly, especially with college (I didn't even get to college...) But I do draw! I'm drawing a new personal logo, I've been designing my goat channel mascot and just doing a lot of small things :) like that cool Joel painting fanart I made. So not that bad.

I'm watching a video about this woman who is a beekeeper, and she started talking about how she loved collecting and observing bugs as a kid and it just hit me that there are people out there who popped out of their mom and they are like "I fucking love bugs". Nothing really prompted this, there might be experiences in life that strengthen heir love of bugs, but she was just created and she was like "oh my god that's a creature" and I think that's interesting.

• I playfully decided recording myself sing for the first time, I sing occasionally, I really enjoy it, I think I'm not THAT bad
• I listen to audio I recorded
• I finally learn the meaning of the word "torture"

But as Jake the dog said "sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at it" or something like that :)

Do you ever just need to take your head out of the idiot zone like your head is just visiting the cretin land and he didn't even fucking tell you and you receive a postcard that says "stay stupid dumbo" and you're like what the fuck

TBH helluva boss self insert

I wanna start making art again, I wish it would be fun again. (I know I made SOME art, but I wanna get back into it :( )

I still don't know if my desire to make my art appealing (to myself) is good or not, it went past a point of motivating me to a point where I couldn't stand drawing any more. But I feel like I CAN'T get rid of that feeling, so I assume it's just how I want things to be. And I've been thinking that one of the reasons it got so insufferable was because it felt like I wasted 10 years of my life and I'm still incredibly mediocre at this skill. But putting all the... personal issues aside. I never remember that I was so busy with dealing with other issues in my life I could hardly really even draw when I was a teen/in my earliest twenties.

Looking at things, there are still things I find difficult to grasp when it comes to anatomy, I still haven't figured out the best art style for myself (in terms of my own comfort of creating art more than it looking a certain way, although that counts too) and I dunno, I think I just looked at this the wrong way. I obtained friends recently (crazy), I've been able to be heard in a supportive environment for the first time in my life really and it opened my eyes on a lot of things, and how I was busy. As a teen. And it is unfair to assume that I'm just "not good enough to be an artist" I was severely depressed :,D so I should really learn to give myself more passes (especially if it would help me... not give up on things)

I might just make fanart for a while, or whatever I feel like. Vargskelethor Joel does little art segments on his streams and seeing all the cool art really made me want to make more art lol, so that's why fanart (but I've been thinking of League of Legends too... as I always do lol)

Legit I never had a grilled one this naturally good, no salt, no pepper, nothing added and recently I bought some weird ass bread that was literally called "cheetah bread" bc it has darker spots on it, and this is legit the tastiest fucking bread I have ever eaten. I don't even eat bread usually and this bread was for my brother to eat, so it's a miracle I even tried it myself.

The cheeses were delicious too, I combined a smoked gouda with some american cheese, and it was so salty and DELICIOUS!

Sometimes, god makes you buy weird bread you weren't even going to eat so you can make yourself a good fucking grilled cheese.

DRAWING IS FUN HAHA HIHI I AM EXPERIENCING FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAST THE I WANT TO LIVE SPELL!!!!!!!111

Anyways, no, I still don't know how to play DnD, what DnD is, but I am making this character in hopes someone will tell me eventually. He is an Eladrin Elf, his default form is spring. Also he's a bard sorcerer. Does this make sense?? Did I do this right???

My ex college classmate took me out today (which is not my bday but it is a day after) and she bought me a pizza and a cool rock (aquamarine) and another friend of hers bought me a cake piece from my favourite cafe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST BIRTHDAY EVER ACTUALLY