do you

When I was a kid (around 9) I used to cry really hard and get weirdly depressed from that one very sad Up song (Up the Pixar movie) and I still can't listen to it tbh bc it still makes me cry, I'm an adult now so it's not as bad but still lol.

And today I was watching some Sleep Deprived (Shlat, Astro, Mika and Apandah's podcast youtube channel) and I was laughing and shit (although I've been in a bad mood for a while now) and that Ratatouille song started playing and I immediately started crying lol.

So what is this post about? I am weird. That's it :)

The title is 100% true! :)

I went to a psychiatrist to deal with the voices in my head (this one isn't true, I like the voices in my head, so happy my drugs didn't take them away) and the doctor prescribed me antidepressants to deal with some psychosomatic pain and health issues I started having years ago at this point.

I genuinely thought that I'm not depressed any more, at least that it was mild depression at worst, even the doctor told me "I don't look depressed" (not in a mean way, she meant to say that it doesn't look like I'm someone who struggles with that any more, just like I also told her) but holy fuck I was wrong.

I think I was struggling with hidden severe depression for years, I just lived in it for so long I had no idea any more what feeling normal even feels like. Now I feel like an actual functional human being. I can talk to people at my college, I can do hobbies again, my struggles now feel normal, they don't feel like overwhelming mental illness any more.

So anyways what I wanted to say is buy things from my ko-fi or Im going to be depressed again and all of this will be your fault :) here's the link handsome https://ko-fi.com/kontraversus

I'm sorry (not really) but this is just so fucking funny to me I'm going to end every post with a self promotion now because it is not only good for my business but also has comedic value :)

Bad times

For some reason I did post on my other social media but something kept me for 3 months from coming back here, this feels like such a nice place to me and for some reason good feelings often cause me to run away in fear. But I've been feeling much better I think, so I'm back :,)

Also shameless plug, sorry, I am in financial ruin atm lol, but I opened a ko-fi page recently, give it a look if ya wanna I sell stuff there https://ko-fi.com/kontraversus

I'm just here to express my excitement, I was unable to read what changes in 2025 because when I get too stressed I get super disoriented and can't focus on a thing I'm worried about so I'll have to re read these when I cool off(and applying for college abroad, that is additionally a VERY good college is fucking terrifying to me, not to mention I still have no clue how on earth will I even manage my finances)

If there's a class schedule anywhere for the course I'm applying to I really should check it out so it doesn't turn out I'll get no time to go to work lol

Absolutely nothing of what I just said is relevant to anyone but me but I'm just so fucking panicked lol, and very excied too.

I was like "I'm never gonna draw my characters in any kind of way that might even be perceived as sexual because people on the internet are weird" But the urge...

Cute pose of a cute boy bathing under a waterfall.... I must.... draw.....

And well, there is no shame in sexual art, but what I was afraid of is that people will call me a weird freak for wanting to draw what I perceive as cute or intimate and I'm not getting a boner from it at all actually and WHAT IF NOBODY UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT IF YOU ALL THINK I'M A FREAK OH THE AGONY

I'm being honest with my thoughts yey? :)

Fish fear me (I just got 2 friend requests at the same time I'm so popular!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11)

I bought another pack of cheetos mac n cheese even though I don't have money.

It turns out I had enough cheese in my life for now, but it was still awesome and it's cool I found another pack in my local Lidl. I can rest in peace.

I was making Cheetos mac n cheese today for breakfast, don't ask why for breakfast, and I was eepy and I forgot to add MILK AND it was DISGUSTING and I thought the seasoning was rotten because once I had one pack imported from france that had rotten seasoning but I forgo to ADD MILK and it's so fucking hard to get cheetos mac n cheese where I live and it's expensive and I won't eat another in probably a year and the last one I had was the rotten one and now this I'M SO FUCKING SAD I JUST WANT MY CHEETOS MAC N CHEESE GOD WHY

Why the fuck is it so fucking difficult to find any information about using Paypal to do art commissions, I messed everything up now I gotta research more how to do this lol

This is so incredibly frustrating.

Or maybe I'm just stupid????

God help me