MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My absolute FAVOURITE holiday is birthday, because what can be cooler than celebrating the fact someone was BORN??????????????? LIKE IT'S SO EPIC???????????????? I LOVE BIRTHDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So after I made that last post I was feeling rather sad, as one would.

But after I felt sad all day and I sat on the toilet (sorry for the details but that is what happened lol) I started just passively creating all of this world building and game mechanics in my head as I was watching a video on youtube, I actually thought of a very cool spell and some of the cultural implications of that spell (long story short, my magic system is split by elements, and one of these elements gets a spell that can only be learned when you level up in skill with using that element, and it's one of the most dangerous spells in the world because it's so powerful it severely damages the body and the brain of a user, but when you master that element it can get much safer to use, even if it never is really safe to use)

I think what I would really like to do is develop these concepts for my game, no idea how on earth am I ever going to make this a reality but for now it's not about that, it's about me trying not to make everything about survival so I can just enjoy things in life.

But yeah turns out I'm not creatively doomed maybe lol.

This post is mostly for myself to let this off my chest lol

So yeah, I have never been drawing as frequently as I was a few months ago when I made this account, I have NEVER in my life (or at least since I was a really small kid) been able to release art so consistently before and for such prolonged period of time.

I have watched a very interesting video by DougDoug, who was apparently also a creator on Newgrounds once lol, and he told this story of how music was HIS thing but he was never enjoying it or could never get as good at it as people around him and this hit so fucking close to home to me. I tried enjoying making art SO hard, I tried to get good at it even harder, but no matter how hard I tried, my anatomy looks stiff and wonky, my art is unpolished and lazy looking and rushed because I always had to rush it, I had to sweat and work hard to make barely anything of value. And I'm not saying it because my art is "bad" it is not, it's mediocre. It is good enough. I am saying this because what I was making had no value to me, it never brought me joy, it never was something that I ever really enjoyed doing. There are things in making art that I do enjoy (for example I really enjoyed making these two character reference sheets that were my first two posts, and the map but not for art related reasons, more because of the story telling) , and I am not planing on stopping making art, but what I need is a COMPLETELY different approach that better suits who I am and what I feel comfortable with.

To be honest as I'm writing this it is very hard for me still to see where the line is between depression and mental illness and genuine disinterest for me, so I am unsure still how to proceed with this information. I might still try to apply to art college and see how it goes? (I can always explore more options after all).

At the moment even making thumbnails was very uncomfortable to do for my videos, but that might have been because I massively overworked myself with making these in general lol, I released 1 hour videos each 2 times in a span of a week (+ 2 days)

So basically, I WILL be back, but I'm not following any schedule. For the first time in my life, due to fortunate life events, I am able to think clearly about who I am and what I want to do, so I will be doing just that.

It's so weird to just admit to myself that the thing I was doing for 11 years that I wanted to turn into a career never really was for me, at least not in a way that all the other artists are doing it, and how I was forcing myself to do the same stuff because how else do I use art right? If not being an artist.

I'm thinking if I should post it in my art section but idk, I don't know if I want to share my channel link here because the videos aren't very good for now 😅

But here's the thumbnail art, it feels a bit rushed but that's because I REALLY can't be spending days and days on making these because that would completely kill my motivation. It still looks pretty cool though in my opinion.

Some of these are for my maybe upcoming youtube video (some of them are drawn on top of screenshots from The Sims 2), and the unfinished goat is me irl (bald)

It's a piece of junk so I'm not sharing it anywhere, but this is huge for me and I just wanted to share this somewhere because I'm very proud of myself lol

Nothing to do with my art or my original story (yet?) or this account, you just have no idea how closed off I usually am ashbbak and I always wanted to at least start pursuing making videos so this is huge for me (I never really could because I lived in a really bad situation and recording back then was basically impossible for me before, so small steps really REALLY do count!!!!!!)

I tried making some fucking noodles for dinner and the recipe called for corn starch and I added the corn starch and there are fucking lumps of uncooked cornstarch in my fucking noodles but I don't give a fuck still ate them will still eat them fuck this

The rest of my storyboard frames look like shit but that's okay.

The next 2 posts might be me animating spells, VERY roughly probably, I just wanna practice on actual stuff I want to make instead of making ball bounces all the time.

Also it might be fun to start getting into animation memes maybe, it's a thought I had, but that's a thought for the future.

I am having issues with clip studio paint, and if you're able to help me figure this out I'd greatly appreciate that (literally can't find the solution maybe I'm dum idk)

When I try to export animations it only exports like 3 to 4 random frames of animation, no matter if I choose gif, movie or image sequences. I also have the pro version, is that because it's pro?? HELP losing mind

UPDATE on this because lmao??? What a program. Turns out I had to set the fps to the amount of frames in my animation. At least for image sequences, but looking at how weird this program is in terms of animation I think I'll look for other programs if I want to make something into gifs or mp4s.